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Blog: A Post Election Republican Survival Guide

That closet Muslim in the White House has something up his sleeve doesn’t he? It’s food stamps, isn’t it? The “Food Stamp President” is out of control creating a culture of dependence.

Okay, your guy lost. Didn’t Anne Coulter tell you he would lose? Are you really surprised? Let me get this straight, in the aftermath of the greatest economic collapse since the Great Depression (never mind for a second that Republicans were the brains behind both collapses) your Party threw its support behind a Wall Street plutocrat with offshore bank accounts and an unrepressed desire to fire people. A man frequently referred to as a “Vulture Capitalist” (not to be confused with a bird of paradise) by his fellow Republican Presidential hopefuls. Good thinking. Nice choice.

I feel your pain. The Obama inspired Caliphate notwithstanding, I’m here to urge you, in the spirit of “just say no,” to look at your political glass as fully half-full, your present as truly not lost, and your future as bright (though possibly solar-powered) and assured. Here, I’ll prove it.

Go down to your church, assuming it’s still standing after the Democratic Party’s “war on religion,” and get down on your knees (don’t worry, it’s still legal). Go today. Go tomorrow, and have at it. Pray as long and hard as you want. Nobody, not even America-hating Reverend Wright himself can stop you!

I may be wrong about this, but if you’re a Republican gal you’ll probably not be forced to have an abortion any time soon. In fact, you’ll still be able to birth as many babies as you please. And isn’t it comforting to know that all of those babies will be covered for pre-existing conditions, and can remain on your health insurance policy until their 26th birthday. I know, your uncle will probably call you a socialist, but isn’t that a small price to pay for all that baby goodness? Say it loud, say it proud – “Obamacare is my healthcare too!”

Quickly now (there may be some urgency to this), go down into your basement or garage or love nest find that hidden closet, and make sure your guns are still intact, and have not been requisitioned for operation “Fast and Furious.” Remove your trigger locks (you locked them – right?) go on outside, and treat yourself to a little “Ted Nugent Time.” Squeeze off a few rounds. It’s starting to feel way better now isn’t it?

Taxes, I know, I know. A few of you will pay more. But be honest, how many of you will actually slip into that $250K plus zone? I mean that’s $250K after deductions (i.e. the deductions that Romney was going to get rid of but wouldn’t tell you about), which means as a couple you’d have to gross something like $300K before you paid one cent more in taxes. But let’s say you wind up having to pay that job-creator, punishing, Obama tax on a net of $300K. The tax rate on your first $250K doesn’t change one bit, and the rate on the remaining $50K goes from 35% to 39%, which means you’ll pay an extra $2,000 in taxes on a net income of $300K. I know it’s rough. I know you’re not rich. But if you’re not rich at $300K how would you describe all of those people earning the household median income of roughly $50K – at 1/6th your income, does that make them poor?

You’re still not convinced are you? That closet Muslim in the White House who wasn’t even born here, was a flunky in college, was to blame for four deaths in Benghazi but not commended for freeing Libya with no military deaths and little expenditure, who is secretly shipping all of those auto jobs he saved to China has something up his sleeve doesn’t he? It’s food stamps, isn’t it? The “Food Stamp President” is out of control creating a culture of dependence.

All right, you got me. Despite the fact that three million jobs were lost in the 12 months before Obama (aka “that one”) took office, and several million more jobs were lost in his first few months on the job (ignoring the fact that unemployment numbers are a lagging economic indicator and not the result of his policies), and the fact that all of those unemployed workers were suddenly in need (in a severely crashed economy) of unemployment benefits (that would add to the deficit now wouldn’t it) in addition to, yes, food stamps……you may have a point.

Whatever one’s political affiliation, however, we all can be grateful that Obama’s election success did bring with it several timely and under-appreciated benefits namely, the resurrection of Etch-A-Sketch as a cool Christmas toy, and the sudden availability in bargain-bins across America of surplus vaginal probes.

All’s well that truly ends well.

This post is contributed by a community member. The views expressed in this blog are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of Patch Media Corporation. Everyone is welcome to submit a post to Patch. If you'd like to post a blog, go here to get started.

Robert Defulgentiis November 10, 2012 at 09:37 PM
Gregory - "That people who believe in a religion sometimes do bad things is a non sequitur to whether religion is essential to human civilization." All I'm saying is that a Western, "civilized" highly-educated, scientific society absolutely steeped in religion for 500+ years was somehow not touched enough by that religious input to avoid moral madness by the German society at large - read "Hitler's Willing Executioners." Everyday Germans, most of them I'm sure regular church-goers, willing to walk 12 year-old Polish girls out into the woods and put a bullet in their necks. Read what I've written about the All Volunteer Army (it's in two parts) here: http://fairfield.patch.com/blog_posts/off-the-hook-why-the-all-volunteer-army-is-wrong-for-america-part-i-42feed9a and my view on religion.....it's partly here:http://lacanadaflintridge.patch.com/blog_posts/patch-blog-santorum-is-barry-goldwaters-nightmare-and-mine-too and I'll bet you are shocked by Goldwater's thesis.........
Robert Defulgentiis November 10, 2012 at 09:58 PM
Gregory - "“Obama shuts down 1.6 million acres to oil shale development” I'd urge everyone to read an expanded version of this news release here- http://thehill.com/blogs/e2-wire/e2-wire/267095-interior-proposes-shielding-federal-lands-in-west-from-drilling Is it really that simple? That black and white Are there other issues at stake? Here's one additional tid-bit - "The administration noted the plan pushed forward Friday also included two research, development and demonstration (RD&D) leases for oil shale development...innovative technology and techniques that will lead to safe and responsible production of resources, including oil shale and tar sands, which industry recognizes are years from being commercially viable, but require RD&D today."
Gregory Brittain November 15, 2012 at 01:05 AM
Don’t say we didn’t warn you, #6 “Private Sector Troubled, Bailing Out After Obama Win” “The National Manufacturers Association forecasts 6 million layoffs and an 11% unemployment rate as a result of Obama's pending tax hikes and regulatory siege.” “Boston Scientific is laying off 1,400 and moving manufacturing to China.” “Business spending has fallen in the third quarter for the first time in more than a year, dropping from a 19% annual rate a year ago to a 1.3% rate, according to the Boston Globe. The logical consequence of this is layoffs.” http://news.investors.com/ibd-editorials/111212-633201-with-obama-victory-the-private-sector-is-voting-with-its-feet.htm
Gregory Brittain November 15, 2012 at 01:08 AM
Don’t say we didn’t warn you, #7 “More Great Movements in Socialized Medicine The United States will require at least 52,000 more family doctors in the year 2025 to keep up with the growing and increasingly older U.S. population, a new study found," reports ABC News: The predictions also reflect the passage of the Affordable Care Act--a change that will expand health insurance coverage to an additional 38 million Americans… "It's pretty tough to convince medical students to go into primary care," said Dr. Lee Green, chair of Family Medicine at the University of Alberta, who was not involved with the study… "[Patients] won't be able to see a primary care physician hardly," he said. "Primary care will be past saturated with wait times longer and will not accept any new patients. There will be an increase in hospitalizations and increase in death rates for basic preventable things like hypertension that was not managed adequately."” http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424127887323551004578119161093885242.html?mod=djemBestOfTheWeb_h
Gregory Brittain November 15, 2012 at 01:13 AM
Don’t say we didn’t warn you, #8 “In October 2012 alone, the budget deficit jumped $120 billion. October is the first month of the fiscal year. That number was $6 billion higher than economists’ forecasts, and a full $22 billion higher than in 2011.” http://www.breitbart.com/Big-Government/2012/11/13/Obama-fiscal-cliff-October-$120B

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